Dear Husband

Published by Leoni on

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All I’ve ever wanted since meeting you was to grow old with you.

You’re the person who makes me feel safe, and you’re not here making me feel safe because there’s this wall now.

I know that sometimes I make you feel like you need to run away from me. Because I’m asking all of these things from you and it feels to you like criticism.

I know that I can be a mystery to you.  That I can respond differently to the exact same event and that sometimes I lash out at you when things don’t go my way.

I am sometimes more emotional and sensitive than you to things that happen. I know that frustrates you.

I wish I could feel what you feel sometimes. So I’d know what it’s like to be you. Then maybe I could understand.

I always wish you could feel what I feel. So you’d know what it’s like to be me. Then I think you’d understand. I think WE would understand. I really think everything would be different then.

I feel so hurt sometimes. So sad. So angry. And I just cry. And you’re not available to make me feel better. And sometimes I feel so hurt by you that I’m not sure you even could.

We go through life-giving our hearts to different people. Falling in and out of love. So happy at the beginning. So sad at the end. We feel so broken and we ask ourselves how we will ever love or trust again? Can we find someone to make us feel loved?

The relationship cycle that all couples deal with. Over and over again. People sometimes believe the lie that everything will be different with the next person but it’s always the same because WE’RE always the same.

You think the grass is greener over there, but it never is. We just did a lousy job taking care of our own lawn. If you move over there and keep doing the same things you are doing now, that lawn will look just like this one.

We can trade one another in. Find replacement partners and try to do this all over again with someone new.

But it all feels so foolish and wasteful.

I choose you.

Out of every person I have ever met or ever will meet, I choose you.

There’s a little piece of me that’s broken. And a little piece of you that’s broken, too. And it’s hard enough for the put-together people to make a marriage work with all of the things that go on in life constantly driving a wedge between us.

I BELIEVE in you. I APPRECIATE you. I FORGIVE you.

I love you. Because every day I woke up and say “yes.” And I’m promising you, as I did on our wedding day, that I’m going to wake up every day and say “yes,” no matter how I’m feeling. I don’t know what forever looks like, or how to get there.

Are you saying “Yes”?

Love, Me

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Categories: Uncategorized

2 Comments

Mike · September 10, 2020 at 3:37 pm

Yes

Mike · September 10, 2020 at 4:38 pm

The only thing on my mind right now is that my wife is very loved by me as her husband although the only one who truly knows that to be true is her, the rest of the world will believe differently, and I welcome that false accusation from all of them. But Leoni knows that I know and she knows the she knows, after a journey through Hell that I do love her. And I’m not worried what anyone else thinks to be true as I myself know that I have proven it far more with other actions than the ones that are being perpetrated against me.

Decipher that when you are wondering if you love your wife, what happens when you love her enough to be her friend? Is that the day you give up or the day you are truly worthy of your wife?

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